Not Really Sure What to Call This One--Emotions--Part I

I have to admit that this recent diagnosis has brought up many emotions and thoughts. One thing I know is that emotions whether they feel good or bad can grab you at any time. Since the first day I heard I had choroidal melanoma in my left eye emotions have been sneaking around inside of me.

I was first diagnosed with the eye cancer in October 2005. I was set to go on a Franciscan Study Pilgrimage with my old friend Fr. Murray Bodo, OFM who was one of the study leaders. I told the doctor that I was set to leave in a few days for Italy for a month. I asked what he thought I should do. I remember him saying that if it was him who had this diagnosis, he would stay and have the radiation to kill the tumor. I don't think I knew then how deadly this form of cancer can be. I did stay and had to send word to my friend Murray in Italy that I would not be coming. The Franciscans were very warm and understanding and returned all the funds I had paid for the trip. I was lucky enough to be able to attend the next year and Murray and I enjoyed catching up after so many years.

While I was in Assisi I remember going to the tomb of St Francis of Assisi and praying there. After the last year with the cancer and having retired from the police department and trying to resettle myself as a pastoral associate and 10 years of diaconal ministry, I remember myself feeling overwhelmed and tired. I prayed to St Francis to help me come to terms with all of the stress. I reminded him that he was a deacon and that he should understand. As I walked up from the tomb area, there was a mass in English going on. The Deacon was up reading the Gospel where Jesus says to let ourselves rest in Him because His burden is light and easy. Take Him on as the yoke and all will be well. I was astonished at the quick response I had received. Well today when I went to mass I was again a little overwhelmed with the diagnosis and the two recent trips to the hospital. Again the same Gospel was read and it took me right back to remembering that Jesus is our yoke and when tied to Him we can bear all things. He never promises that it will go away but the it will be light and easy.

Praise God!